Regrets
by Torsades1991
Summary: Maggie's thoughts after Will's visit in "Look at the Ant".  SPOILERS!  My first story, so please be gentle :


Once again alone in her apartment, Maggie stood helplessly by the front door. Her silk bathrobe-clad body shivering from something other than the crisp air. Shakily she covered her eyes and quietly let the tears begin to fall. So many thoughts and emotions flooded through her head that it was near impossible to sort them...

Maggie made her way to the bathroom and began running water into the bathtub. Sitting on the edge of the tub, she stared blankly at the water as it spilled over her fingers and gradually warmed. Once the tub had filled, Maggie slipped in and under the water - a weak attempt to cleanse herself of the entire day. Bringing her head up from the water and breathing in the steamy air, Maggie let the waves of emotion crash over her.

Questions began to race through Maggie's mind. Had she truly invited a near-stranger into her home...into her _bed?_ Had she really called a man that she barely knew and let him be her lover for the night? There seemed to exist a more important question, however, that loomed in her mind. _Why?_ Why had she invited a mere friendly classmate to spend the evening with her? There were a hundred possible reasons for such an act as she had committed, but none of them could justify it completely. Yes, she had been lonely, and of course a lonely person longs for company. The thing that feared her the most was that she had acted not out of pure loneliness, but also out of anger and frustration - anger and frustration that had come from being tuned out and pushed away. The tears continued to run down Maggie's face and into the water surrounding her. Once again she thought of _his _face...

Will Travers.

Maggie had called Will earlier that evening in an attempt to invite him for dinner. She cared so deeply for him that it hurt. All she wanted was to offer her friendship for the evening and try to lighten his spirits. Will had been so on edge lately. She knew that he barely slept, worked too hard, and that the stress of recent events was wearing on him. She watched him fight to stay awake while in his office and watched the way he was constantly cautious of everything. Maggie also knew that Will was keeping secrets - she could see it in his eyes. What all went on in the mind of Will Travers was a mystery to her… a mystery that was even more intensified by his flighty and nervous tone in their earlier phone conversation. Something was definitely bothering him more than usual and she wished he would open up and trust her.

Maggie could have dealt with the guilt of her indiscretion if it had been the only occurrence of the evening. Her impromptu lover, however, was not the only thing on her mind - it was the fact that Will had later shown up at her door and found out. Will had come to her door, finally deciding to trust her, and she could not let him inside. She stood there staring at him, floundering, searching for words. He had asked her if he could come in - his voice unsteady. What had she said to him? What excuse did she give that he could not come in? "_It's a little late…" _

The way he had looked at her. The way he stood on her doorstep and looked so helpless. He _did _need her help. He came to _her _in a time of need, as she had always promised to be there for him, and she was left with no choice but to turn him away. Oh, how desperately she had wanted to let him in. To take him by the hand and offer him her comfort. Somewhere to be _safe _for the night. What had he said? "_I just don't want to be by myself right now…"_

And then came the voice from the bedroom… her temporary fix was calling for her. She had called back that everything was fine, trying to avoid any further mess. Then there was Will, taken aback and suddenly silenced. _The look on his face._ Oh, God what had she done? He had hurt her by turning her away and now here she was hurting _him. _The last thing on earth that she would ever have thought of doing was hurting Will Travers. Yet, she had. Maggie had hurt the man that she cared for - and she feared there may not be any going back.

Maggie simply reclined in the bathtub and continued to think. Could she forgive herself? Better yet, could Will forgive her? Maggie sighed his name into the open air and pictured his face. The face of the man she loved - Will Travers.


End file.
